


An Unforgettable Memory

by kimfairybjb



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: AlternateUniverse, Angst, Binhwan - Freeform, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 02:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimfairybjb/pseuds/kimfairybjb
Summary: When Jinhwan suddenly changed and decided to break off the relationship he had with Hanbin... Hanbin decides to turn away and leave.But what happens when Hanbin comes back and discovers the reason why...?





	An Unforgettable Memory

"Don't regret it" 

Those were the last words Hanbin said before Jinhwan left him. It was an awful breakup. Both of them were happy, full of love, full of life. But Jinhwan changed. It was so sudden that Hanbin didn't get a chance to adjust. It was so sudden that Hanbin could barely remember what happened that day. It was also the day of their anniversary when Jinhwan told him that he needed to let go. That they needed to let each other go.

No reason.

No excuse.

Nothing.

Hanbin would've accepted it if the older gave an answer to his questions. But all he did was stay silent. 

No matter how much anger shot out from Hanbin, Jinhwan remained mum.

No eye contact.

No whispers.

Not even a single touch from him.

Hanbin had never felt his world fall apart right in front of him. So how could he prepare himself when it came all of a sudden?

Jinhwan's deadpan eyes sent shivers down his spine. All Hanbin could remember was that Jinhwan's pale lips trembled significantly while tears covered his pale cheeks.

There wasn't more he could do than turn and leave when Jinhwan ended it. 

Years have passed and for some reason he stumbled upon the place where they broke apart. He stood on the same spot where his world shattered right in front of him. 

"Hanbin... Hanbin-hyung?" Hanbin turned to see where the voice came from. Chanwoo looked at him, puzzled. Surprise covered his face when he realized it really was Hanbin.

"Hey... long time no see." Hanbin smiled at Chanwoo who still can't believe that he was back.

"I thought you'd never come back." Chanwoo commented while eyeing Hanbin's clothes. Hanbin changed. 

"I thought the same." Hanbin scoffed, thinking of how his new job assigned him to the place he never wanted to go back to. The hometown he grew up in and the place where Kim Jinhwan, the man who he considered his world, resided. "But I guess fate's trying to play with me."

Chanwoo nodded at him. Pursing his lips, he bowed at Hanbin and excused himself to leave. Hanbin was quite puzzled, seeing Chanwoo try to get away from him when they had just seen each other again.

Curious.

Chanwoo wasn't one who would shy away from Hanbin. It was odd. The young one would often grab the chance to hang out with his favorite hyung.

"Are you in a hurry...?" Hanbin said. Chanwoo stopped on his tracks before looking down. The younger looked up at him and shook his head with a forced smile on his face. It was obvious that he had something going on but he just refused to let Hanbin know.

"Mind if we hung out for a while..? I haven't seen you and I wanna catch up." Chanwoo's smile looked awkward. There was obviously something going on but it looks like he wasn't a part of it. Hanbin smirked, "Actually... let's do that next time when you're not in a hurry." Hanbin said before pulling his phone from his pocket and giving it to Chanwoo. The relief on Chanwoo's face made Hanbin look away.

After saving his number on the phone, Chanwoo bowed to Hanbin and scurried away. Hanbin just watched the younger's back, curious why he would act this way towards him.

Hanbin sighed before shaking his head. He just came back, maybe he should do something... more productive.

Travelling around the place he used to live brought back different memories of the past. Most of them, memoires of Jinhwan. Gritting his teeth, he couldn't believe he still held feelings for the other. No matter what he did, his heart didn't seem to cooperate with his mind. It never bothered to forget about that guy, even if he'd done everything in his power to forget him.

Sighing, again and again, was all Hanbin could do every time he remembered memories that brought back Jinhwan in his mind. 

"Idiot. Regret my ass." Hanbin couldn't help but put himself down. Jinhwan could be anywhere by now, maybe even with someone other than Hanbin. Why did he even leave this town only to come back again and think about him?

The sky was beautiful that day, it was blue yet soft at the same time. Hanbin like that color but he also liked how it changed. Golden and yellow streaks slowly filled the sky and soon it was sunset. The orange filled sky was Hanbin's signal to go back to his apartment and rest his weary soul. He never thought it going back to this town would tire him out like this. He needed to finish that contract as soon as possible to get back on track and lock everything back again. If only he could throw away the key so he'll never have to remember.

Walking towards his apartment, he noticed a familiar figure just ahead. He wrinkled his forehead before feeling a smile escape his lips. The guy looked like he was waiting for someone but Hanbin wanted to greet him.

"Jun—" Hanbin's call was cut short when he noticed Chanwoo arrive and bow to him. The other looked worried but he ruffled Chanwoo's head before smiling at him. By this time Hanbin's smile reached his ears. It was great to see familiar faces in this place.

Hanbin took speedy steps to get to them but they entered the building, missing Hanbin's call.

Wrinkling his head, Hanbin was puzzled to see the place they had entered into. He couldn't believe his eyes so he took a step back and saw the building sign.

Curious.

Why would they enter such a place? They didn't look like they were sick.

Hanbin shrugged his shoulders but nevertheless he followed them. Hoping to see what they'd be doing in such a place. He saw the two enter the elevator so he waited and checked what floor they'd be at. It was odd to see the two get along, rather, it was odd to see them together.

He remembers how Chanwoo and Junhoe hated spending time with each other due to conflicting views and clashing interests. A lot of things sure did change.

Has he?

Hanbin shook his head before finally seeing the elevator stop at the 4th floor. Following them, he went in the elevator and went up to the 4th floor. He wasn't sure what room they'd be in but he just wandered around, checking rooms and peaking. Trying to see if he'd see them.

He wrinkled his forehead when he didn't see them yet. He was getting close to the Cancer Care Section of the hospital and he felt quite heavy thinking about it.

His father died of cancer and so did Jinhwan's parents. It was the reason why they met and got along. It was also the reason why they said they'll love each other until the end. But...

Hanbin couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Chanwoo and Junhoe leave a room at the Cancer Care Section. They all looked surprised to see each other. More so, Junhoe and Chanwoo's shocked faces made Hanbin even more curious.

"H-Hanbin?" Junhoe uttered in horror. There was something about the way the two looked at him. He couldn't understand why they'd look at him in... terror? Fear? Shock? 

Hanbin couldn't help but wrinkle his forehead at the two. His feet moving on its own and stepping closer to the door they came from. He saw Chanwoo's eyes widen, planning to stop, him but his glare froze him on the spot. 

The moment he reached the door, he saw the name beside it.

Kim Jinhwan

Was it... coincidence?

Hanbin couldn't lift his eyes from the name tag, his chest tightened with his heart hammering in it. He started thinking, as if connecting things in his head.

Gritting his teeth, his body moved on its own and opened the door again. The people inside the room looked at the door in surprise, but most importantly the man on the bed gasped in shock.

"H-Hanbin?" Hanbin heard Jiwon say with the same look Junhoe had just moments ago. Jiwon stood from his chair when he realized what was happening. Just before he could stop Hanbin from entering the room, Hanbin had marched towards the man on the bed.

He looked pale.

He looked sick.

The horror in his eyes tore Hanbin's heart apart.

He used to look so healthy. He used to look like a porcelain doll with smooth skin and bouncy hair. His smile was the sunshine in Hanbin's life and yet... there he was.

Completely different from when Hanbin last saw him.

No one dared disturb them. Even the nurse in the room was speechless and unsure of how to act. The others ushered her out of the room and closed the door to give them privacy.

No words escaped their lips. They were both lost in each other's eyes. Only the machines in the room created sound and as if on cue to Jinhwan's heartbeat Hanbin pulled him closer and into a hug.

Jinhwan choked a sob, trying his best not to breakdown in front of the man he hoped to save.

\---

Learning about his condition, Jinhwan thought it would be best to let Hanbin know. Although he knew it would be hard, he knows Hanbin would accept it and fight with him. He hoped to spend each day with Hanbin. He hoped.

"Please spare Hanbin from all this pain, Jinhwan. He doesn't deserve this. Not when he lost his father this way. Please... I beg you."

Those were the words Hanbin's mother begged to him. When he was so sure of love... he fell back and faltered. Was... their love not enough?

Doubt ate at him. Day by day he felt pressure eating him, breaking him... destroying him.

When he lost consciousness and was sent to the hospital, the same words echoed in his head. It felt unfair yet... he knew it was absolutely true.

Hanbin doesn't deserve this pain.

So he kept it. He tried.

But broke it all off when he need to.

He regrets everything but more so the fact that he couldn't utter why he needed to break it off. Why he wanted to stop. Why he doesn't deserve Hanbin.

The start of the treatment was the most painful part of it all. His heart was broken, his mind was shattered and even his body was suffering. No amount of support from his friends helped him ease the pain. It was useless. He wanted to give in and give up.

Until he heard that Hanbin became successful. He fought for his life to know more about Hanbin's success. He didn't have him anymore but he still wanted to know how far Hanbin could reach. He wanted to know how well Hanbin could make the world his.

Even without Jinhwan by his side.

\---

"Why...? Why didn't you tell me?" Hanbin's words stabbed at Jinhwan's heart. How could he tell him that he didn't deserve all this pain? How could he tell him that it was for his own good?

Jinhwan couldn't speak. No matter how hard he tried, his tears wouldn't stop falling. Hanbin's touch was so intimate it brought on this familiar feeling back into Jinhwan's heart. Hanbin's warmth was still the same and Jinhwan still hasn't forgotten it. It felt like it was just yesterday when they would pull each other tightly into a hug and stay there without a care in the world. Their steady breaths satisfied each other as if it was music to their ears. Hearts beating as one and the warmth that would linger even after they've separated.

But it was different now.

Jinhwan could feel the pressure under Hanbin's stare. He knew the latter had questions but answers weren't something he could easily give. Hanbin couldn't believe his eyes as he scanned the room. Different tubes and lines connected to Jinhwan's small frame. He had lost so much weight that Hanbin felt a tight squeeze in his heart.

"Was this the reason... you broke it all off?" Hanbin's voice trembled. His hold tightening around Jinhwan's hand. But Jinhwan remained mum, unsure what to say and unsure what to do.

"Jinani-hyung..." It felt like eternity when Jinhwan last heard this sweet melodic voice. The way Hanbin called him felt like those days that his body felt alive. It reminded him that his heart was still beating, and every beat of it was for Hanbin.

"I'm sorry Hanbin... I'm sorry..." Jinhwan sobbed, finally pushing out the words he always cried. By the time the sun rises and by the time night falls, Jinhwan has never forgotten to apologize to Hanbin. Even if he might never hear it. And yet here he was. Hearing those words while discovering what he tried so hard to hide. He was sick. He was dying.

Hanbin couldn't help but feel the pain in each word that came out of Jinhwan's lips. He knows that older has suffered enough. His mind kept pushing him to question Jinhwan. So much questions left unanswered and here he was, unable to utter anything because his heart kept telling him to stop. He wasn't in a place to question Jinhwan. They've broken up ages ago and he was in no position to dare question him. Or at least that's what his heart kept telling him.

Jinhwan's sobs wouldn't stop and Hanbin couldn't help himself. The moment their eyes locked, Hanbin knew exactly what he had to do.

It was a subtle kiss that ended the sobs. Jinhwan was surprised that Hanbin would do this. But his body responded and the pain he felt in his heart melted. Hanbin was there, and he couldn't ask for anything more from the world. 

Hanbin missed those lips. It felt like his world slowly pieced back together. But the feeling grew. And that's when Hanbin knew Jinhwan wasn't just his world, he was his universe.

\--- 

The two restarted their relationship much to Jinhwan's protests. He had hoped that Hanbin would leave and continue living in his world. He wanted Hanbin to be successful. But Hanbin had other plans.

They were to start as friends again, Jinhwan's request, but Hanbin refused to listen. Jinhwan's protests fell on deaf ears because Hanbin selfishly chose to stay. Hanbin didn't want to listen to Jinhwan's complaints anymore, furthermore he rejects Jinhwan's ideas of leaving.

"No matter what you say... I'm staying. And there's nothing in the world that could make me go away." Hanbin would often tell Jinhwan, followed by a kiss especially when the latter tries to dispute this statement. 

Hanbin wasn't going anywhere. 

But this scared Jinhwan even more.

What happens to him when the time comes that he needs to let go?

What happens when the he finally passes?

What will happen to Hanbin?

Jinhwan begged the others to convince Hanbin to go but none of them sided with him this time. Especially after Hanbin personally reprimanded each and every one of them. Even the older ones didn't escape his wrath. But aside from his anger, Hanbin also showed how vulnerable he was. He begged on his knees to tell them he wants to stay with Jinhwan and none of them dared to discourage him. They saw how desperate Hanbin was to be with Jinhwan, even though his days were numbered.

Jinhwan even reached a point of begging Hanbin's mother to change his mind but she refused to help him. Since this was Hanbin's own choice, she wanted to respect it. Finally, she also apologized for causing hurt to both Hanbin and him. If only she let them decide on their own, maybe things would've been different.

Hanbin chose to stay with Jinhwan. He would visit Jinhwan at random times of the day. Once, Twice or even more than thrice a day Jinhwan would see Hanbin lurking by. He felt like Hanbin was throwing away his life just for him and he didn't like that.

"Don't you have work you need to finish?" Jinhwan's voice was mellow and Hanbin's full attention was centered at him. Hanbin took a while to respond, he needed to take in the view before he did.

"I'm a music producer Jinani-hyung... I work when I want to." Hanbin answered, giving him a smile and tight squeeze on his thigh. 

"Please... if you—" Jinhwan's words were immediately cut off when Hanbin's lips pressed against his. The latter hated hearing Jinhwan's discouraging words. He stayed because he chose to, not because he was obligated to. He still thinks that Jinhwan worries too much, but it may also be because of how things are going. They were situated in this in-between relationship where one thinks they should be friends while the other thinks otherwise.

Pulling away from the kiss, Hanbin lingered inches away from Jinhwan. Their eyes met and a smile crept out of his lips. 

"I love you Jinani-hyung..."

Hanbin saw tears form from Jinhwan's eyes before he covered his face with his thin hands. It slowly turned to sobs with mumbles of words he can't understand. But he wrapped his arms around Jinhwan before kissing his head. 

"I love you..." 

Hanbin whispered again and again. He wanted Jinhwan to know this. He wanted to bear his heart to the person who mattered the most. And seeing Jinhwan's reaction, he knew their hearts were still connected.

Days passed and weeks went by, Hanbin noticed the huge difference in Jinhwan. He was getting weaker and weaker. Though pained to see him this way, Hanbin would rather be by his side than regret it.

"Do you... regret it?" Jinhwan asked one night, while Hanbin was staring at him.

"I'll never regret loving you. What I regret the most was that I turned away when I should've been here all along." Hanbin whispered at the older. 

That moment was something Hanbin will never forget. Jinhwan moved from his bed and asked Hanbin to lie down beside him. Though hesitant, Hanbin couldn't say no. Lying beside Jinhwan returned the two to the time when everything was simple. No complications and no regrets. Just pure bliss and love.

Hanbin carefully placed his arm under Jinhwan's head before pulling him closer. Jinhwan snaked his arm over Hanbin's waist before sighing deeply, taking in Hanbin's smell. Hanbin pulled him closer, moving his other arm to his waist as well.

"What are your plans for the future...?" Hanbin loved how Jinhwan's voice remained caring. He loves that Jinhwan always sounds sincere when they talked. His voice was always a melody to Hanbin's ears.

"I wanna continue producing songs. I'll put out a song that everyone will sing. When they hear it they'll immediately love it." Hanbin's dreams were precise. He knew what he wanted and he knew how to achieve it. He also knows that he's already made that song because he wanted Jinhwan to hear it before anybody else did.

"Do you wanna hear that song?" Hanbin asked.

"Mmhmm~" Jinhwan hummed, adjusting his position so he could look at Hanbin's face.

"I made this when we separated. I've always wanted to sing it to you." Hanbin explained before clearing his throat to start the song.

sarangeul haetta uriga manna  
jiuji mothal chueogi dwaetda  
bolmanhan mellodeurama  
gwaenchaneun gyeolmal  
geugeomyeon dwaetda  
neol saranghaetta

The moonlight illuminates in the room, shining on Jinhwan's face. Hanbin couldn't help but fall deeper in love with the man in his arms. Though he knew their time was limited, his heart will never forget this.

Jinhwan's face moved closer to Hanbin and before he knew it, they shared an intimate kiss. There was something tugging at Hanbin's heart that moment. Though he cherished it there was something that was still missing.

Pulling away slowly from the kiss, they both opened their eyes to look at each other.

"Hanbin-ah..." Jinhwan's mild voice touched Hanbin's heart. The younger felt shivers down his body the moment he heard Jinhwan's next words. It was the one he missed the most. It was the one he's been waiting for.

"I love you..."

\--- 

"Hyung..." Chanwoo called out, holding Hanbin's shoulders. The others looked on, unsure how else they could help him. Jiwon stepped beside Chanwoo to comfort Hanbin but there was no stopping his tears.

No matter how much he wants it to stop, tears kept flowing. His insides burned with rage while his heart cried in pain. His mind still couldn't believe how fast things happened. He still couldn't let go.

Hanbin kept saying his name in between his sobs. He loved him... so, so much. He kept apologizing and saying things that others could not comprehend. He knew this was going to happen and yet, he was still devastated.

Gripping on the grass that had grown beside his tombstone, Hanbin whispered under his cries...

"I'll always love you... Jinani-hyung."


End file.
